Sentimental

Found this in my draft and decided to post it somehow: So last month di tengah-tengah hectic sebelum final I've decided to attend my Diploma graduation (Grad kali kedua, kali pertama di Darul Quran) tapi sebenarnya bukan nak bercerita pasal tu pun. Few days before, kami ke MDM untuk ambil jubah dan kebetulan singgah solat Zohor di IQT. Perasaan menjejakkan kaki kembali after awhile yang selama ni cuma mampu merenung pemandangan luar pagar semata-mata. Serius susah nak describe. MashaAllah, tenang pastinya. Bi'ah yang dah sekian lama tak jumpa di mana-mana dan betul la orang kata you won't really appreciate something until you lose it sebab dulu pun I took it for granted, tak betul-betul menghayati & memanfaatkan rasa tenang tu. Di setiap sudut, terlintas bayang aku dan mereka-mereka yang pernah ada. Repeating the words "Eh, dulu kat sini la kita..." "Wow dah tukar la sini blabla dulu takde lagi". "Rindunya tangga ni port aku.." Rindu. Teringat. Walaupun yang sempat diteroka hari tu cuma Masjid As-Syatibi dan tak jumpa sesiapa sebab tengah cuti. It's cliche to say this tapi kalau boleh kami rasa macam taknak balik, nak stay situ & ngaji je. Tapi for sure, life goes on. It was totally a different feeling, to come back as an ex-student, bukan lagi sebagai banat berbaju purple atau pink yang mencintai menu minum petang dan suka mewakilkan bahagian kuih dan bubur kawan yang tak makan, atau pelajar Diploma yang tak pernah hafal nombor kad matrik dan tak suka pakai baju batik. Bukan lagi sebagai murid yang nervous bila kena tasmik kat bilik guru dan merasakan meja di bucu dinding pustaka ialah tempat paling best untuk mengaji. And yeah the list goes on and on. Sometimes you wish to come back to the same place as you were but welll as we grow up things ain't the same no more.  And for that time I realised; aku masih meninggalkan secebis jiwaku di situ. Fihifzillah.

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Everyone has their own struggle of becoming better. Think twice before we judge! :)

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Irons in the fire.

Another short update.

Due to my bad bad bad vision these days, can't update much cause I am unable to hadap laptop & phone lama-lama. Doakan saya sembuh kembali :(

This semester is a super hectic one. Ada masa to get a proper lunch & kelas cancel tu kira Alhamdulillah sangat, dengan jadual padat, subjek-subjek tough & group assignments bertimbun sampai kami terkonfius ahli haha. Belum masuk lagi bab meeting-meeting & program yang nak kena celah.

Tapi thank goodness weekend setakat ni masih menjadi short getaway especially sebab ada one day extra (Khamis takde kelas yay). 

Result sem lepas beshe beshe je tapi it was beyond my expectation, Alhamdulillah berkat doa keluarga & semua orang pastinya sebab usaha tak all-out mana, masih last minute seperti biasa 😂 Lepas ni mungkin si Alya ni perlu tukar strategi dan tak mengharapkan kuasa Allah semata-mata sebab semester ni dah tak lenggang kangkung macam dulu. 

Hoping to cope well with everything soon InshaAllah.

By the way, happy birthday Alya. May Allah bless you 💓

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Everyone has their own struggle of becoming better. Think twice before we judge! :)

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Jejak Kasih

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.  Few days ago, I've done something I've been planning for months (tak betul-betul plan, cuma simpan nawaitu je ehe) yakni- Ziarah anak-anak & sahabat-sahabat MDS. memandangkan dah nak habis cuti sem, kot kot mana pun usaha juga untuk pergi walaupun pada hari kejadian tu lama sangat berdiri tunggu GrabCar takde sampai rasa macam nak kensel, tapi tetap gigih sebab rindu dan nak tunaikan janji bagi hadiah A Sains. Dan sebab budak-budak ada duk tanya "Bila Ustazah nak datang sekolah?". Nak drive sendiri ofkos la takleh sebab lulus JPJ tu tak bawak tanda barakah wa rahmah pun untuk dapat izin Baba hahaha😂 Dan akhirnyaaaa

Sampai juaaaa

MashaAllah terharu sangat sebab anak-anak masih sangat meraikan kehadiran Tajah, eksaited datang serbu ramai-ramai kerumun buat roadblock, sampai jadi serba-salah & segan dengan cikgu lain (terutama Ustaz mana tah yang nak masuk tandas tapi ada Tajah dan anak-anak jadi empangan depan pintu huhu maaf tak sengaja). Nak round kelas diorang tapi tak sempat, jadi kira jumpa mana yang terserempak & datang mencari je. Rasa touching tetiba bila tengok diorang (perasaan yang sangat emak-emak), masing-masing dah naik angka terutama yang Darjah 1 tahun lepas, tahun ni dah naik Darjah 2. Baru tinggal 4 bulan ni eh kenapa awak cepat sangat besar 😭 Kalau ayat Darjah 2 & 3 tu biasanya ada unsur belum hadam realiti lagi like "Ustazah ngajo sini lagi ke? Kelas mana? Mari la ajar kelas kitaaaa". Darjah 4 & 5 memang dah faham hakikat Tajah hanya datang melawat je, maka keluar ayat-ayat pencair hati contohnya "Kita rindu Ustazah :( Bila Ustazah habis blajo? Kekgi mari ngajo sini semula eaa", "Ustazah, lamanya dok jupe Ustazah. Kita rindu sangattt" , "Ustazah kata nok mari tapi nawok. Kita tunggu dok mari mari pun". Diorang taktau padahal Ustazah lagi rindu diorang, mampu belek gambar je.  Sweetness yang innocent tahap potong kaki memang secara amnya ialah sejenis kemahiran anak-anak 3 Tolhah & 3 Zubair, paling ingat ayat sedih Faris Iskandar - "Ustazah, kita rindu Ustazah. Jadi dok semangat belajor sebab takdok Ustazah :(" pastu yang lain gigih mengiyakan. Walaupun bunyinya lawak berbaur hiperbola tapi nak menangis pun ada. Wallahi bahagia sangat Allah izinkan buat seketika untuk kembali memandang & mendengar celoteh mereka, walaupun tak terlayan. Walaupun berkajang lagi list muka & nama mereka yang terlintas dalam hati, yang nak sangat jumpa, tapi hari tu tak terlintas pula depan mata. Masih soleh solehah, masih comel, masih ceria dan manja dengan macam-macam cerita. Alhamdulillah for another memory. Moga dipelihara kasih sayang ini. Moga dengan mencintai mereka, Allah juga mencintaiku. Sungguh, sejujurnya aku jadi makin rindu. It's kinda weird that I am overly attached & feeling terlebih, dah berbulan-bulan pun belum ada cita-cita nak move on dan masih senyum sensorang tengok gambar mereka dalam phone. But I just can't help it. Loving them is one of the best things that has ever happened to me :)

"Ustazah tunggu sini jap, jangan gi mana-mana!" *Berlari beli makanan kat kantin* :')
"Ustazah, nah hadiah :)" *Hulur tasbih*

Feelings I dont wanna forget

By the highway, Mama Faris Iskandar called for the second time, tanya kenapa Ustazah tak bagitau nak datang sekolah? Sebab Faris bersungguh sangat nak bagi hadiah, dah lama beli. Allahu apeni comel sangat😅

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Everyone has their own struggle of becoming better. Think twice before we judge! :)

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Hold On

To whom will you hold on to,  When things go rough and not coming into your way When the ache in your heart is unbearable till the tears from your eyes speak louder than your words When you feel distant and alone, long gone those promises to stay through thick and thin When crying yourself to sleep has started to become a routine When you keep blaming yourself for being too weak and helpless When you feel like you can't go on anymore When you realise that everyone promises forever until they find someone better When everyday you have to think on what did you ever do to them until they hurt you this way When you have to pretend like you're okay with it all Act like there's nothing wrong although it takes the whole courage in you to do so  When you lose hope that tomorrow will shine brighter and be better than ever So to whom will you hold on to?

My dear broken hearted ones, Losing people or things, doesn't mean that we have to lose ourselves too. Little do we know that Allah isolates us from them for a good reason, in which now we may have no idea why, but soon we will. Remember that the heartache in our hearts is just temporary as the temporary world that caused it. Be patience. Fasobrun jamil.  Worry not, cause eventually you shall get over it and trust me, strong walls like you just shake but never collapsed. Be patience. Be sabr. The road of sabr may not be a bed full of red roses, but Jannah is beyond that. Trust Allah with all of our heart and noted that He knows what's the best for us. Beriman pada sifatNya yang Maha Mengetahui sedang kita tidak mengetahui.  Keberadaan manusia itu bukan untuk selama-lamanya, sampai masa mereka akan pergi meninggalkan kita dan melupakan janji-janji mereka kerana makhluk itu sifatnya mengecewakan.  Find comfort in Allah's promises, cause they're indeed lead to the word "forever". Tidak seperti janji manusia yang ada tarikh luputnya.
Lalu, sekarang selayaknya kita berpegang pada siapa?

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Everyone has their own struggle of becoming better. Think twice before we judge! :)

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